I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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