I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
