Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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