That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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