you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
