FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize