Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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