addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
