it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
