o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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