The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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