Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
