So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
