I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
