I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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