You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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