Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
