I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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