dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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