so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
