fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
