ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
