Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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