Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
