His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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