i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
