Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
