I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
