I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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