I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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