I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
