Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
