Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All the doctor said was why
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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