u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize