Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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