my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
