And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
