i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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