she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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