Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
