I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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