this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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