I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
