Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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