Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
