There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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