dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
