Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
