3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
birth control should be required to get into college
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize