that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
