made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
