dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
