i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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