what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
