Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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