Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
