He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
