I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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