Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
tell me about the eggs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
