Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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