fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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