There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
