areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
