Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
