So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
