I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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