hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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