The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
