His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
