I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
