there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
