When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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