At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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