I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize