Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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