she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
