So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
