Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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