Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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