You really coming over, don't trick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
