I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
