it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He better not be in your backpack
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
