This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
