thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
