I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
