So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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