I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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