"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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