Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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