it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I supernannyed him into submission
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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