All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize