you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He better not be in your backpack
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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