I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
