just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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