You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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