My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize