whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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