end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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