Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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