Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
