I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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