So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
