you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
