it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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