Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize