I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
