I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize