you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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